Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
