We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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