I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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