Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
