His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
