The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
