**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
