It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
