We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
