I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
