you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
