I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
