i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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