God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
