Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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