Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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