My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
