Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
