If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
