New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
