I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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