dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
