Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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