Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
