Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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