There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
