White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
