I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
