No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I could fuck to npr.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
