Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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