I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
