I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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