Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
