There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
