I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
