Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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