i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
