You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
