Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
