She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
