Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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