well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
