Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
