I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
