Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
