I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
