You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
