You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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