I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
