I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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