You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
