Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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