My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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