idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
