I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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