i just had sex bonerless
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
